neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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