i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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