so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
