if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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