OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This beer is not sobering me up at all
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
