Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I deserve this hangover.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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