Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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