Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
