to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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