You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
