I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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