she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
