So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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