Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
