I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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