y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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