Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
