We named our party play list daddy issues
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
