He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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