Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
