My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
