You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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