I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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