He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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