I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just want to make out with him forever
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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