Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
