perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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