So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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