Whatcha textin bout Willis?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize