I bet he comes in French.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
