Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
