I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
