can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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