Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My liver just broke up with me...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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