Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
