there's paper in my vomit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
