My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
