i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
