I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
