he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
