I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
