My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize