I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
