Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
