and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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