the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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