i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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