Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
