now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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