Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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