shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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