You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How drunk are you?
Completed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
