I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didn't notice because vodka
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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