I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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