I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
