Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are we still banned from the library?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
