As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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