we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
