I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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