He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
