just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
