Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
