Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
