if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
