he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
