BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
