I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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