I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize