i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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