Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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