I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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