Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
