he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
