The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
