But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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