Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
