I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize