yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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