At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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