Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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