Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
