How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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