to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
