it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize