all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
