Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
