here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry about my life...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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