He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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